Quote of the Day: Jimmy Fallon & Seth Meyers On The Democratic Race

This Feb. 21, 2013 photo released by NBC shows Jimmy Fallon, host of "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon," on the set in New York. The program was nominated for an Emmy award for outstanding variety series, Thursday, July 18, 2013. (AP Photo/NBC, Lloyd Bishop)

“Hillary Clinton said on ‘Meet the Press’ yesterday that the FBI has not reached out to schedule an interview with her regarding her private email server. When asked how she’d respond to such a request, Hillary said, ‘Oh, I’d delete it.'” –Jimmy Fallon

Bonus Quotes:

“Democratic National Committee head Debbie Wasserman Schultz today denied accusations that she is taking sides in the primary election season, and said, ‘There is no shred of evidence to suggest that I’m favoring Hillary Clinton over Bernie Socialist — I mean Bernie Sanders.'” –Seth Meyers

“The big New York primary, which happens next Tuesday, is looking pretty good for Hillary Clinton. In fact, website FiveThirtyEight says Hillary has a 99 percent chance of winning the primary for New York. When he heard, Bernie Sanders said, ‘My God, I’ve become part of the 1 percent!'” –Jimmy Fallon

Quote Of The Day: Conan O’Brien & Seth Meyers On Donald Trump And The Republican Nomination Battle

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It’s come out that President Obama has been allowed to see special advance episodes of the new season of ‘Game of Thrones.’ Obama says he watches ‘Game of Thrones’ to remember what it’s like to have reasonably sane people compete for leadership –Conan O’Brien

Bonus Quotes:

It’s being reported that the Democrats have a plan to “shatter the Republican Party.” When he heard, Donald Trump said, “Beat you to it!” –Conan O’ Brian

A farm in Ohio has the words “NO TRUMP” written so large in cow manure that it can be seen by overhead planes. The craziest part — no one asked the cow to do that. –Seth Meyers

Quote of the Day: Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien & Seth Meyers on Donald Trump

This Feb. 21, 2013 photo released by NBC shows Jimmy Fallon, host of "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon," on the set in New York. The program was nominated for an Emmy award for outstanding variety series, Thursday, July 18, 2013. (AP Photo/NBC, Lloyd Bishop)

“Donald Trump told The Washington Post that he’ll be able to get the United States completely out of debt in eight years. When asked how, Trump was like, ‘Easy, declare bankruptcy and start fresh! It’s fantastic. I’ve done it already. It’s amazing.'” –Jimmy Fallon

Bonus Quotes:

Donald Trump’s daughter, Ivanka, just gave birth last week and she’s already back on the campaign trail for her dad. Ivanka’s friends were like, “Shouldn’t you be with the baby?” And Ivanka was like, “Yeah, I’m campaigning for him.” –Jimmy Fallon

After losing in Wisconsin, there has been a big shake-up in the Trump campaign staff. In fact, the guy in charge of racist comments is now in charge of sexist comments. –Conan O’Brien

People on Wall Street are worried about the negative effects of a Donald Trump presidency. Also worried, people on every street. All the streets. –Seth Meyers

Sanders Interviewed By Seth Meyers, Subways, Vatican Invitation, And Other Political Nonsense Of The Week

Bernie Sanders appeared on Late Night With Seth Meyers last night–full video above. They spoke about the negative campaign being run by Clinton:

“I think the Clinton campaign has been getting a little bit nervous,” Sanders said. “And I think they have been getting more negative. And I hope very much that we can have an issue-oriented campaign.”

“But if people attack me and distort my record, we will respond,” he added.

Meyers asked Sanders if he’s surprised with the progressive direction the party is headed — as evidenced by the success of a democratic socialist thus far.

“I’m not really, Seth,” he responded. “I think when you talk about the issues facing the American people, people are saying, Yeah, this does not make sense.”

The Democratic presidential primary may be getting serious, but Bernie Sanders took on a more humorous tone Thursday night when he played "Ya Bernt" with late night host Seth Meyers.

This week both candidates had problems with the New York subway system. Sanders still thought they used tokens. Somebody informed Hillary Clinton that Metrocards are used instead, but failed to show her how to actually used the card (video below):

Clinton did manage to enter the subway after five attempts, and then violated New York laws against campaigning on a subway. Add this to the list of crimes committed by Clinton which will probably not lead to an indictment.

Among other good news for Sanders, he has narrowed the deficit in the California polls from double digits to only six points. Clinton’s fifty point lead in the national polls has similarly vanished, with the two essentially tied. Clinton continues to do better with old partisan Democrats while Sanders does better with more independent and younger voters. Nominating Hillary Clinton therefore seems to be the ideal way to limit the party’s future growth and, to paraphrase Grover Norquist, we might soon see a day in which both major parties are small enough to flush down the toilet. We can only hope.

In other news, Bernie Sanders will be going to the Vatican. There were accusations that Sanders invited himself, until Monsignor Marcelo Sanchez Sorondo,  the academy’s chancellor, said  that it was his idea to invite Sanders. It is not clear if he will be meeting with the Pope as earlier reports suggested. It is also unknown whether Hillary Clinton will be meeting in public with Satan, or if he will remain in the shadows of her campaign, along with her billionaire Wall Street backers.

Quote of the Day: Seth Meyers On Hillary Clinton’s Campaign Slogan

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“An opening speaker at a campaign event for Hillary Clinton yesterday asked the attendees in the audience to welcome Clinton by chanting her campaign slogan with enthusiasm. And the crowd immediately started chanting, ‘It’s! My! Turn! It’s! My! Turn!'” –Seth Meyers

Quote of the Day: James Corden & Seth Meyers On Donald Trump’s Campaign Manager

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“Trump’s campaign manager Corey Lewandowski was recently arrested and charged with battery of a female reporter after he allegedly grabbed and twisted her arm, but Trump is dismissing the allegations and is standing by his campaign manager. I know what you are thinking — how is this the one time that Trump doesn’t say, ‘You’re fired.'” –James Corden

Bonus  Quote:

“Donald Trump suggested this morning that his campaign manager Corey Lewandowski, who has been accused of harshly grabbing a reporter at a rally, could have just been keeping her from falling down. Sure. And Bill Cosby was just helping those ladies get a good night’s sleep.” –Seth Meyers

Quote of the Day: Conan, Seth Meyers, & Jimmy Fallon on Donald Trump

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Republicans are blaming President Obama for creating Donald Trump. While others say he was created in a lab when a young real estate developer was bitten by a radioactive douchebag. –Conan O’Brien

Bonus Quotes:

It was reported yesterday that an op-ed written by Donald Trump seems to have been blatantly plagiarized from an article written by Dr. Ben Carson days before. People first became suspicious when Trump’s op-ed began, “As a black doctor…”  –Seth Meyers

The hacking group “Anonymous” has apparently declared war against Donald Trump. Of course, hacking him shouldn’t be hard, because if there’s anyone who just uses their name as their password, it’s Donald Trump.  –Jimmy Fallon

At a rally over the weekend, Donald Trump was surrounded by Secret Service agents after a man tried to rush the stage. The Secret Service said the man was dangerous and disturbed, but they had to protect him anyway. –Jimmy Fallon

A new poll found that the majority of millennials would vote for Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump. Then millennials found out you can’t vote by texting and said, “Never mind!”  –Jimmy Fallon

Seth Meyers Explains The Bernie Sanders Surge

Seth Meyers took A Closer Look at the Bernie Sanders surge in the polls (video above). He pointed out how the media missed the story:

“But here’s the huge part of the story: the media completely missed this. They ignored Bernie Sanders for months. And as a result, Hillary got a lopsided amount of coverage.” Out of 857 total minutes of nightly news coverage, Trump got 234 minutes, Clinton received 113 minutes and Sanders got 10.

Meyers discussed Sanders’ support among the young voters, noting how some people (but not Hillary Clinton) are cool enough to transcend their age and enter  the “Betty White Zone.”

Seth Meyer on Bernie Sanders Surge

Quote of the Day: Seth Meyers On Clinton’s Lead Shrinking In Iowa

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“A new poll shows that in the last month, Hillary Clinton’s lead in Iowa has shrunk from 9 percent to 2 percent. Meanwhile, her fake smile has grown 200 percent.” –Seth Meyers

Late Night Television: Jon Stewart Does Donald Trump Impression & Presidential Candidates Condemn Trump For Proposed Muslim Ban

Over the last few months, Stephen Colbert has established himself as the best late night talk show host. He is a worthy successor to David Letterman on The Late Show, while also in a sense both succeeding himself from The Colbert Report. For many liberal television viewers, watching the monologue and initial segment on The Late Show has also replaced watching Jon Stewart on The Daily Show.

The one downside is that having the most openly liberal show on the major broadcast networks is  alienating Republican viewers, resulting in a drop in ratings. While conservatives knew that David Letterman was not one of them, he was never as blatantly political as Colbert. From the perspective of a viewer that is fine with me, but it does raise a concern as to whether CBS will continue him on the air long term.

For as long as it lasts, The Late Show is the late night television home for fans of Letterman, Colbert, and Jon Stewart. Thursday night we got a chance to see two of the three together. Jon Stewart joined Stephen Colbert in the monologue, calling for funding for medical benefits for 9/11 first responders–as he previously did with a guest return to The Daily Show. Video above.

Stephen Colbert offered advice to Jon Stewart to “Trump it up” when he thought that the pitch was boring. Colbert advised, “Face it, Jon, the media won’t pay attention to anything, it won’t pay attention to anything at all, unless you are Donald Trump.” (Others have argued the same).  This led to Colbert bringing out a Donald Trump wig which he keeps on hand just in case he has to say anything important, and Jon Stewart did his impression of Donald Trump.

Donald Trump has also been criticized for his statement that he would ban Muslims from entering the country by many politicians, including on late night television. Bernie Sanders condemned Donald Trump as a demagogue on The Tonight Show (video above).

The straight-talking senator lashed out at Trump’s proposal to ban all Muslims from entering the country on NBC’s Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon Tuesday night, calling the Republican poll topper a “demagogue.”

“What somebody like a Trump is trying to do is to divide us up,” Sanders said. “A few months ago, we’re supposed to hate Mexicans; now we’re supposed to hate Muslims. That kind of crap is not going to work in the United States of America.”

Hillary Clinton, who previously did an impression of Donald Trump on Saturday Night Live (video here), also commented on Trump. As a guest on ate Night With Seth Meyers, Clinton condemned Trump, saying she no longer finds him to be funny (video above);

“I have to say, Seth, I no longer think he’s funny,” she told the host in an interview that aired early Friday morning. “You know, I think for weeks you and everybody else were just bringing folks to hysterical laughter and all of that, but now he has gone way over the line.”

Clinton said the real estate mogul’s recent call to bar Muslims from entering the United States is not only “shameful and wrong” but “dangerous.”

“This latest demand that we don’t let Muslims into the country really plays right into the hands of the terrorists. And I don’t say that lightly, but it does,” she continued. “He’s giving them a great propaganda tool, a way to recruit more folks from Europe and the United states.”

Martin O’Malley, plus multiple Republican candidates have also condemned Trump’s statement. Even Dick Cheney criticized Trump’s statement. If you are too far right for Dick Cheney, you are really outside of the American mainstream.

Related: Stephen Colbert, Larry David, and Bill Maher On Bernie Sanders & The Democratic Race (a collection of videos)