Quote of the Day: Seth Meyers on Anthony Weiner

“Former New York Congressman Anthony Weiner is planning to open a new farm-to-table restaurant in Queens. So, whatever you do, don’t ask to see the special.” –Seth Meyers

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Quote of the Day: Seth Meyers on Marijuana Legalization

“The New York Times came out in favor of marijuana legalization. Apparently, someone told them that marijuana users are really into ‘buying papers.’” –Seth Meyers

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Quote of the Day

“A federal judge ruled yesterday that California’s version of the death penalty is unconstitutional. Apparently the difference is California’s version has avocado on it.” –Seth Meyers

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Quote of the Day: Seth Meyers on Barack Obama Going To Starbucks

“President Obama surprised tourists by walking to a Starbucks near the White House. Even more surprising, he traded five Taliban members for a grande soy latte.” –Seth Meyers

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Quote of the Day: Seth Meyers And Other Late Night Comics On Chelsea Clinton’s Pregnancy

“The Christian Science Monitor is claiming ‘Hillary Clinton will be a tad less interested in running for president now that she’s about to be a grandmother.’ And if you put a grain of sand in your pocket there’s a tad less sand on the beach.” –Seth Meyers

Bonus Quotes: More on Chelsea’s Pregnancy

“Hillary Clinton is going to be a grandmother. She’s very excited about it. She’s home right now knitting a tiny pantsuit.” –David Letterman

“Congrats to Chelsea Clinton. Last week, she announced that she is expecting her first child. If it’s a girl, it’ll get some of Chelsea’s old hand-me-downs; and if it’s a boy, it’ll get some of Hillary’s.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Chelsea Clinton has announced that she is pregnant with her first child. The baby is expected to crawl after nine months and run in 2055.” –Seth Meyers

“Chelsea Clinton is pregnant. There is another one coming. A little baby Clinton. People are already wondering, is the baby a girl? Is it a boy? Is it going to run for president in 2016?” –Craig Ferguson

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Stephen Colbert To Succeed David Letterman

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White smoke could be seen rising from CBS Headquarters today. CBS will not be going through the same drama which we saw at NBC when Johnny Carson and Jay Leno left The Tonight Show (twice in the case of Leno). There was no consideration of forcing Letterman out before he was ready. One week after David Letterman announced his planned retirement on his own schedule, CBS has announced that Stephen Colbert will be replacing him. While I think Craig Ferguson does an excellent job following Letterman’s show, it was not expected that Ferguson would receive the 11:35 time slot. I do like Ferguson’s show but, if he leaves CBS, it would not be as significant as David Letterman and later Conan O’Brien leaving NBC. I hope Ferguson does remain where he is, providing a choice between his show and Seth Meyers at 12:35.

Stephen Colbert has already said that (as would be expected) he is not going to do the show in character as on The Colbert Report on Comedy Central show. It has been an excellent run, but I am also confident Colbert can do a fine job hosting as “himself.” I do hope that from time to time Colbert, instead of stupid pet tricks, goes back into his stupid conservative character for a skit.

I suspect that Colbert will tone down politics to some degree with the move to a late night network talk show. His liberal credentials are well known after pointing out that “reality has a well-known liberal bias.” Or maybe not. A study at Ohio State in 2009 found that many conservatives took him seriously and didn’t realize he was mocking them.

Here is a selection of one liners from Stephen Colbert when in character, many of which have been featured here as a Quote of the Day:

“Our president has gotten so desperate that he appeared on this website Funny or Die. By the way, ‘funny or die’ is also the ultimatum you got from Obamacare’s death panels.” –Stephen Colbert

“No one has signed up for Obamacare, give or take 4.2 million people.” — Stephen Colbert

“You know what, folks? I miss George W. Bush. That man knew how to sell a war. Obama has hard evidence of weapons of mass destruction and he can’t even get England to go along with it. Meanwhile, President Bush got an international coalition with nothing more than Colin Powell’s reputation and half a test tube of crystal light.” –Stephen Colbert

“Conservatives like me know that in a budget crisis, everything nonessential has to go — whether it’s food for kids who aren’t mine or some other stuff for people I don’t know.” –Stephen Colbert

“It seems like every single day, President Obama finds a new way to waste our tax dollars. I mean, two daughters? Seems a little redundant.” –Stephen Colbert

“Where did we go wrong? The Republicans had everything going for them – a terrible economy, an unpopular incumbent, and a positive message for the American voter: ‘less than half of you are parasites.’” –Stephen Colbert

“Folks, I’m no fan of ‘Sesame Street.’ They expose our children to dangerous liberal ideas like befriending the homeless, two men sleeping in the same bedroom and counting.” –Stephen Colbert

“This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty – unless she’s on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.” –Stephen Colbert

One of Stephen Colbert’s finest moments outside of his show was at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner in 2006. Here is the video of his tribute to George Bush, with full text under the fold:

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Quote of the Day: Seth Meyers On The Crimean Vote

“New reports show that the Crimean vote to join Russia on Sunday did not include an option for ‘no.’ There were only two boxes on the ballot, one for ‘yes,’ and one for ‘murder my family.’” –Seth Meyers

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Quote of the Day: Seth Meyers on Ukraine

“Despite the fact that the Ukraine has been all over the news for the past few weeks, a survey found that 64 percent of U.S. students still couldn’t find Ukraine on a map. Said Vladimir Putin, ‘Soon nobody will.’” –Seth Meyers

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Quote of the Day: Seth Meyers On Arizona Anti-Gay Discrimination Bill

“The Arizona legislature passed a bill that would allow business owners asserting their religious beliefs to deny service to gay customers. Some businesses have already put up signs that read: ‘Nice shirt, nice shoes, no service.’” –Seth Meyers

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Cast Changes At Saturday Night Live With Cecily Strong Joining Weekend Update

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Seth Meyers will be leaving Saturday Night Live in February to take over as host of Late Night. The New York Times reports that Cecily Strong, the Girl You Wished You Hadn’t Started a Conversation With at a Party, will be hosting Weekend Update along with Meyers starting this fall. Lorne Michels, who produces both SNL and Late Night is also hoping that Seth Meyers will continue working on SNL just to do Weekend Update. This might be possible as Late Night doesn’t have a Friday night show, giving Meyers some time off to moonlight on a second show.

With Fred Armisen, Bill Hader, and Jason Sudeikis all leaving, following other recent major departures from SNL, this is being called one of the biggest transitions in the history of the show. Lorne Michaels has this to say about cast transitions:

“People attach to the cast they see in high school,” Mr. Michaels said. “In those years they generally can’t drive. They don’t have any money. Staying up late is exciting. Being with friends up late is really exciting. So they’re very connected to the cast they see then.”

The cast I was most attached to was the original cast: : John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd, Laraine Newman,  Jane Curtin, Gilda Radner,  Garrett Morris, and Chevy Chase. Maybe it was because I was in high school when they started, but I do think they were by far the best group. As with Community, Chevy Chase left earlier, then the rest of The Not Ready For Prime Time Players left in 1979-80. Replacing them was even more difficult than replacing the cast members who left recently.

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