“Ron Paul’s son is a senator from Kentucky, and he’s now endorsing Mitt Romney. I know how that feels. My son watches Jay.” –David Letterman
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Blog Stuff
David Letterman: Top Ten Subject Lines of Emails Received By Mitt Romney
June 13, 2012 — Ron ChusidDavid Letterman: Top Ten Subject Lines of Emails Received By Mitt Romney
10. Meet other attractive Mitts in your area
9. Newt here, regarding the VP job
8. Reminder: It’s been over a month since you’ve purchased a Cadillac
7. Confirming your 2:30, 5:30, and 9 o’clock haircuts
6. 20% off at beach-house-car-elevators.com
5. Nice slacks, bro!
4. Your Marie Osmond tickets have shipped
3. It’s Newt–Are you getting my messages?
2. If I vote for you, can I ride your dancing horse?
1. Warning: your hacked password is about to expire
Quote of the Day
April 14, 2012 — Ron Chusid“Because Mitt Romney is a Mormon he can actually have several vice presidents. Did you know that?” –David Letterman
Quote of the Day
April 3, 2012 — Ron Chusid“Rumors now that Mitt Romney might pick Rick Santorum for his VP running mate. But Rick is dubious. He thinks two guys on the same ticket might be gay.” –David Letterman
David Letterman: Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Spending $50 On A Photo With Newt Gingrich
April 3, 2012 — Ron ChusidDavid Letterman: Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Spending $50 On A Photo With Newt Gingrich
10. How much have I paid for pictures with other guys named Newt?
9. Should I just photograph myself burning $50?
8. Do I look Newty enough?
7. Should I just get a free photo with some other guy who’s not going to be president?
6. Do I have to touch him?
5. Is this how Newt met his three wives?
4. Seriously, have I lost my mind?
3. Does Newt have to be in the photo?
2. What would Rick Santorum think of this idea?
1. Will Rush Limbaugh think I’m a slut?
Quote of the Day
March 16, 2012 — Ron Chusid“March Madness goes from 64 teams to 32 to 16 to 8 to 4 to 2 and then 1. It’s how Rush Limbaugh loses sponsors.” –David Letterman
David Letterman: Top Ten Other Things Mitt Romney Says He Likes About Michigan’s Trees
March 2, 2012 — Ron ChusidDavid Letterman: Top Ten Other Things Mitt Romney Says He Likes About Michigan’s Trees
10. “I seem less wooden standing next to one”
9. “In a pinch, sap makes a great hair gel”
8. “They’re also just the right width”
7. “It’s fun hiring illegal immigrants to rake up their leaves”
6. “They’re not gay, like palm trees”
5. “They don’t shed their foliage as quickly as those slutty Rhode Island trees”
4. “They look great next to my wife’s Cadillacs”
3. “Trees don’t whine when strapped to your car roof”
2. “They’re not afraid to stand up to the auto industry”
1. “Like me, they lean whichever way the wind blows”
David Letterman: Top Ten Questions on the Application to Become a Mitt Romney Look-Alike
February 20, 2012 — Ron ChusidDavid Letterman: Top Ten Questions on the Application to Become a Mitt Romney Look-Alike
10. Do you look like Mitt Romney?
9. Does Mitt Romney look like you?
8. True or False: You look like Mitt Romney
7. Do you not look like someone who doesn’t look like Mitt Romney?
6. If you wore a sombrero, would you look like Mitt Romney wearing a sombrero?
5. What do you feel is your main qualification, other than a strong resemblance to Mitt Romney?
4. During sex, does your wife ever yell out “Mitt Romney!”?
3. Do you know any fat, doughy guys who look like Newt Gingrich?
2. Can you smile while driving with a dog strapped to the roof of your car?
1. Do you mind being unemployed after November?
David Letterman: Top Ten Secret Service Code Names You Don’t Want
February 10, 2012 — Ron ChusidDavid Letterman: Top Ten Secret Service Code Names You Don’t Want
10. Dopey
9. Gasbag
8. One-Termer
7. Hasselhoff
6. Italian Cruise Ship Captain
5. German Grandmother
4. Dubya
3. Load
2. Not My Problem
1. Osama
