Quote of the Day: Bill Maher on The Ryan Budget And Obamacare

“Game of Thrones returns this weekend on HBO. I’m sure you know it as a magical fantasy where you’re never quite sure who’s going to live or die. Or maybe I’m thinking of Paul Ryan’s budget.” –Bill Maher

Bonus Quote:

“Obamacare hit its numbers. Despite all the initial problems, Healthcare.gov surpassed the enrollment goal, over 7 million. Now the Republicans are saying that they’re going to repeal the Internet.” –Bill Maher

Quote of the Day From Bill Maher on Fox

“Absolutely nothing new has happened with the missing plane. It is astounding how they continue to report ‘news’ even though they have zero information, although, it never stopped Fox News.” –Bill Maher

Bonus Quote:

“Fox News, they may be a little biased. We had an earthquake here on Monday and they reported that the Earth’s crust was emboldened by Obama’s weakness.” –Bill Maher

Quote of the Day: Bill Maher On Climate Change Deniers

“I know climate change is a hoax – of course – but places that have never seen this type of winter weather got hit by it. More than a half a million southerners have been left in the dark — and then the storm hit.” –Bill Maher

Quote of the Day: Bill Maher on Democrats and Republicans

“New Rule: This Valentine’s Day Americans must remember that politicians are like a box of chocolates. We bite into them to find out what’s on the inside only to discover that Democrats are too often soft and gooey and Republicans are mostly nuts.” –Bill Maher

Quote of the Day: Bill Maher on Obamacare

“For most Americans, Obamacare is a lot of like sex. You do it online, it’s incredibly frustrating and the idea of anyone getting it makes Republicans insane.” –Bill Maher

Bonus Quote:

“New Rule: Republicans have to stop saying that if the Obamacare website doesn’t work, that must mean Obamacare itself doesn’t work. That’s like saying the ice cream’s no good because you can’t find a spoon.” –Bill Maher

Quote of The Day: Bill Maher on Nuthouse Wing Of The Republican Party

“Is it possible that America may be coming to its senses a little? That may be the message from these elections we had on Tuesday because Chris Christie, the big winner, is from the not-nuthouse wing of the party – you know, he’s an indoor Republican. And the two bats**t Tea Party people lost pretty bad. In Virginia, their candidate for governor, Ken Cuccinelli went down, which is ironic because he was trying to make oral sex illegal. I’m not making that up. He wanted to make abortion impossible, ban gay marriage, and reinstate the sodomy laws against oral and anal sex. Why? Because it’s a Republicans’ job to get government out of our lives.” –Bill Maher

Bonus Quotes:

“Outlaw sodomy? Does this guy realize that for most people under 30, sodomy is the main form of birth control. What a platform. He wanted to outlaw blow jobs, and he lost single women in the state by 43 points. But listen to this, he won married women by 9. That’s all I need to know about marriage.” –Bill Maher

“In Alabama, the Tea Party candidate named Dean Young, who wanted to impeach Obama and compared gay people to animals, he lost to a potty-trained Republican. Boy, that is something for your resume – Dean Young: too ignorant for Alabama.” –Bill Maher

Quote of the Day: Bill Maher & Jon Stewart on Obamacare Lies

“The Republicans are saying this is the worst presidential lie ever. Yes, Bush lied about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and got thousands of people killed and said the war would pay for itself, but remember people, those were white lies.” –Bill Maher

Bonus Quote:

“So, yes, the president was somewhat dishonest about the promise of his healthcare program, but here’s the weird part, his opponents have been lying like motherf*ckers about its effects.” –Jon Stewart (video here)

Quote of the Day

“This would be simple if we had a Republican president because a Republican president could get a Republican Congress to bomb Sea World.” –Bill Maher on the Republican opposition to Obama’s request for authorization to bomb Syria.

Quote of the Day: Bill Maher On Being The World’s Policeman

Forget the Syria debate, we need a debate on why we’re always debating whether to bomb someone. Because we’re starting to look not so much like the world’s policeman, but more like George Zimmerman. Itching to use force and then pretending it’s because we had no choice.” —Bill Maher

Fortunately it appears a deal has been made to avoid getting involved in another war where we do not belong. Perhaps next time, instead of waiting until it is asked at a press conference, US leaders will be the ones to look for an alternative to war.

Quote of the Day

“Bill O’Reilly said, ‘I am dealing with reality. I am like Paul Revere.’ Here’s how Bill O’Reilly is like Paul Revere: when he rides past you, you see a horse’s ass.” –Bill Maher