Quote of the Day

“Mitt Romney has begun vetting his vice presidential candidates. This is a tough thing because they want to appeal to the Republican base. They want a strong conservative there, but someone who will not upstage Mitt Romney. So the search is on for a strong conservative in a coma.

“And they say they’re not going to make the same mistake as they did last time. They’re going to do a much more thorough job vetting than McCain did with you-know-who. They said this time they’re going to ask probing questions like, ‘Can you read? And ‘How many fingers am I holding up?’” –Bill Maher

Quote of the Day: Bill Maher on Mitt Romney’s Speech at Liberty University

Bill Maher on Mitt Romney’s speech at Liberty University

“When you confuse a church with a school it mixes up the things you believe – religion – with the things we know – education. Then you start thinking that creationism is science, and gay aversion is psychology, and praying away hurricanes is meteorology.”

“They teach that the Earth is 5,000 years old, and dinosaur fossils washed up in Noah’s flood. This is a school you flunk out of when you get the answers right.”

‎”Conservatives often say that gay marriage cheapens their marriage. Well, I think a diploma from Liberty cheapens my degree from a real school.”

Quote of the Day

“It looks like the Republicans are going back to the strategy of 2008 where Obama is characterized as a celebrity. Says the party who is gay for Ronald Reagan. Come on, you can’t worship Ronald Reagan and then attack Obama for being a celebrity. That’s like running Chris Christie and saying Obama has a fat ass.” –Bill Maher

Quote of the Day

“One of the agents involved in the scandal was on Sarah Palin’s detail in 2008 when he was running for vice president. And he posted a picture on his Facebook – apparently he had a little crush on her – of him standing behind her kind of smirking and saying, ‘I’m checking her out.’ Which is more than you can say for the McCain campaign.” –Bill Maher

Quote of the Day

“New Rule: If you order the new Pizza Hut pizza with the hotdog-stuffed crust, you have to pay more for healthcare. And stop acting like this is a new idea. For years, Marcus Bachmann has been telling the delivery guy’ I’d like a wiener in my rim.” –Bill Maher

Quote of the Day

“New Jersey Mayor Corey Booker last night personally rescued a woman from a burning building. Or as Fox News reported it, ‘black man loots house, steals white woman.’” –Bill Maher

Quote of the Day

“You know who hates March Madness? Rick Santorum. It combines the two things he hates the most, college and putting something in a hole.” –Bill Maher

Quote of the Day

“March Madnesss…the only place where you hear ‘Kansas is advancing.’” –Bill Maher

Quote of the Day: Bill Maher on Mitt Romney

Three for the price of one today:

“Romney is not a regular guy. He was campaigning in Mississippi this week and said ‘some of my best friends spill oil in this gulf.’” –Bill Maher

“Here’s an actual quote. Romney was in Mississippi yesterday, and he said, ‘I’m learning to say y’all, and I like grits.’ And then he took out a pair of pliers and yanked out three of his teeth.” –Bill Maher

“In the south, Mitt is going to have trouble with the whole Mormon thing. When he says sister wife down there, it means a whole different thing.” –Bill Maher

Quote of the Day

Three quotes today from Bill Maher on Rush Limbaugh:

“I thought the election was gonna be all about the economy. But the economy started doing better. So Republicans went to plan b: calling women whores.” –Bill Maher

“This woman [Sandra Fluke] got a call today from then President. President Obama called her to thank her for her testimony. And then President Clinton called Obama to get her number.” –Bill Maher

“Rush Limbaugh: four wives he’s had – no children. Dude, you are birth control.” –Bill Maher