Quote of the Day

Newt Gingrich is called the “intellectual” of the GOP field because he does not have drunk blackouts or visibly drool. –Andy Borowitz

Quote of the Day

“Based on their applause for abolishing healthcare and ordering executions, Tea Party voters are solidly pro-dying” –Andy Borowitz

Quote of the Day

“For a guy who doesn’t believe in science, Rick Perry is sure happy about the invention of the electric chair.” –Andy Borowitz

Quote of the Day

Fox News reports: “Events in Libya are unfolding faster than we can make them up.” –Andy Borowitz

Quote of the Day

When the Tea Party talks about obeying “the Constitution,” they really mean Lord of the Flies. –Andy Borowitz

Quote of the Day

Biden apologizes for calling Tea Party ‘terrorists’: “I did not mean to offend those morons.”–Andy Borowitz

Quote of The Day

BREAKING: Round-the-Clock Congressional Sessions Bad for Business, Say Prostitutes –Andy Borowitz

Quote of the Day

“Trying to fix Murdoch’s toxic journalism by closing one paper is like trying to ban coffee by closing one Starbuck’s.” –Andy Borowitz

Quote of the Day

“1776: Americans declare independence from rule of English.
2011: Palin declares independence from rules of English.”
–Andy Borowitz

Quote of the Day

“BREAKING: Gingrich’s Dog, Cat Latest to Bolt Campaign.” –Andy Borowitz