Conan O’Brien and James Corden on Donald Trump

Porn star Stormy Daniels is suing President Trump for defamation for something he said in a tweet. When they heard this, Muslims, African-Americans, gays, and Hillary Clinton said, “You can do that?” –Conan O’Brien

Trump skipped the correspondent’s dinner on Saturday night, and instead hosted a rally in Michigan. Trump said he’d rather be around people who loved him, so he went to Michigan and left behind the White House press corps and Melania. –James Corden

This morning, President Trump made a special phone call to his favorite television program, “Fox & Friends.” Trump and the hosts talked about lots of things, and at one point, he was asked to grade his presidency. Take a look at what he said. [Trump clip] “I would give myself an A-plus.” An A-plus! From where — Trump University?  –James Corden

Distorted Right Wing Attacks On Michelle Wolf–What She Really Said (Including Full Transcript)

Donald Trump has a long history of insulting anyone who displeases him, including the handicapped, immigrants, Muslims, and gold star families. He has quite frequently attacked the appearance of women. However, Trump cannot take it when he is the target of mere jokes. For the second straight year he was unwilling to attend the White House Correspondent’s Dinner. Conservatives who have often defended Trump’s attacks on others, responded by attacking Michelle Wolf. Frequently the attacks were not for her actual jokes but were based upon distorting what she actually said.

A satiric roast at a dinner such as this would be expected to be far harder on its targets than would be expected in normal political discourse. Comedians are expected to push the boundaries, cross lines, and make people feel uncomfortable. Jokes about Trump are naturally going to include lines about prostitutes and grabby pussy, because this is what Donald Trump, not Michele Wolf, brought to Washington.

Wolf’s actual jokes were far less offensive than many of the things we hear from Trump and his allies. As Wolf’s actual act was tamer than they are, the right attacked by distorting what she actually said. It was reminiscent of past attacks from the right on others such as David Letterman.

The main line of the attacks was to falsely claim that Wolf attacked Sarah Sanders’ looks. This falsehood was often spread by taking a line out of context, making it appear she was joking about Sanders’ eye as opposed to joking about her lying. Her full joke regarding this was, “I actually really like Sarah. I think she’s very resourceful. She burns facts, and then she uses that ash to create a perfect smoky eye. Like maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s lies. It’s probably lies.” Even quoted out of context, “smoky eye” is hardly a terrible attack.

Wolf did briefly mention Mitch McConnell’s neck and Christ Christie’s weight, but I haven’t seen complaints about these, and these are common laugh lines for the late night comics. The only woman whose looks were mocked by Wolf were her own, when she referred to her own frizzy hair and small tits.

Wolf was interviewed by NPR and defended what she said:

I think people have a lot of preconceived notions about Sarah’s looks and I think a lot of what’s happening is they’re projecting onto this joke. … I think it’s clear that the joke wasn’t about Sarah’s looks, but I don’t think — to me it’s so obvious that I don’t even really need to defend it. I think if you listen to the joke you’ll understand that it’s about the fact that she lies and if it’s taken another way I think you should go back and listen to it again. …

If there [are] two people that I actually made fun of their looks on Saturday it was Mitch McConnell and Chris Christie and no one is jumping to their defense. I made fun of Mitch McConnell’s neck and I did a small jab at Chris Christie’s weight and no one is jumping to their defense.

Late night comedians did come to her defense, including Stephen Colbert reliving his old conservative character:

“She is filthy and she is mean — which is what we love about her. Because those are wonderful qualities for comedians, and terrible qualities for free-world leaders.” — SETH MEYERS, comparing Michelle Wolf with President Trump

“Michelle should have had the decency not to comment on women’s appearances in any way, shape or form. She’s a comedian, for God’s sake, not the president.” — TREVOR NOAH

“This is the correspondents’ dinner, celebrating the freedom of speech; you can’t just say whatever you want!” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“I am so proud, right down to the breastbone, that the press is defending her despite the fact that her boss joked about throwing reporters in jail. That’s the kind of comedy the press likes!” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on Sarah Huckabee Sanders

The best defense of much of the criticism I’ve heard about the speech is to hear what she actually said. The video is above, and full transcript follows:

(more…)

Quote of the Day: James Corden on Donald Trump

It’s being reported that a former doorman at a Trump building in New York was paid $30,000 to keep quiet about a rumor that Trump fathered an illegitimate child with his housekeeper in the 1980s. A secret illegitimate child. I don’t believe it. Finally, something Trump didn’t want to put his name on.

It’s beginning to sound like Donald Trump spent most of the last 30 years trying to make America pregnant again. –James Corden

Quote of the Day: Trump Going To North Korea Compared To Nixon Going To China

“It’s like Richard Nixon going to China, but if Nixon were a moron.” –Jeffrey Lewis, writing in Foreign Affairs about Trump going to North Korea. (Hat tip to Political Wire for link. Picture is of Kim and Trump impersonators from Foreign Affairs.

Quote of The Day: Jimmy Kimmel On Donald Trump & Foreign Relations


President Trump met at the White House today with the crown prince of Saudi Arabia, Prince Mohammed bin Salman. They call him MBS for short. For real. Trump actually prepared for this meeting. His aides say he watched almost all of the movie “Aladdin” to get ready for it.

Establishing relationships with friendly foreign leaders is important for Trump right now, because he needs to build a network of countries he can flee to when the time comes. –Jimmy Kimmel

Jimmy Kimmel Finds That Trump Store Does Not Put America First

Jimmy Kimmel doesn’t agree with Donald Trump very often, but he said he does agree with supporting American products. Kimmel ordered merchandise from Trump’s online store and found that the items were manufactured in countries such as China, Thailand and Peru. The closest to an American product was a Trump golf club cover which was made in China, but decorated in the United States.

Some of the items did not have information on their country of origin. Kimmel pointed out that, “failure to properly report product origin can result in substantial penalties. Companies can face up to $500,000 in fines per violation or double the loss or gain from the violation related to these violations.”

“This could be very expensive,” Kimmel said. “Not to mention embarrassing. Are they even capable of shame? I mean Trump’s whole platform is about American companies, his company isn’t even supporting America!”

Kimmel came up with a solution: “This could be very expensive, not to mention this has got to be embarrassing. I’m sure Eric and Don Jr. didn’t know about this. I’m sure this was a simple oversight. I’ll just file an official complaint, and let them sort it all out.”

Alec Baldwin Returns To SNL

Alec Baldwin returned to Saturday Night Live to portray Donald Trump in the cold open, video above.

The skit began with Alex Moffat portraying Anderson Cooper saying, “In times like this we look to our leaders for guidance. But instead, we’ll hear from Donald Trump.”

Alec Baldwin’s Trump began discussing school violence by bragging about his mental health: “We have to take a hard look at mental health — which I have so much of. I have one of the healthiest mentals. My mentals are so high.”

The number of people leaving the Trump White House didn’t deter him: “If I have to make America’s schools safe all by myself, I will. Just like how I’m running the White House all by myself.”

The latest to leave the White House was Hope Hicks: “She’s like a daughter to me. So smart, so hot. You know, I hate seeing her go but I love watching her walk away. Jared Kushner’s basically the hottest chick left in the place.”

This followed another round of Donald Trump attacking Alec Baldwin on Twitter.  The New York Times has a review of that battle here. An earlier, deleted version of the above Tweet referred to Alex Baldwin in error.

 

Late Night Comedians Mock Trump For Claiming He Would Enter School During Shootings

Donald Trump claims he would go into a school where there is a shooter to protect the kids, even if unarmed. Nobody seems to believe him (other than perhaps his delusional base). Eli Rosenberg has described his actual record of appearing cowardly in response to danger. Late night comedians took the opportunity to mock him.

Stephen Colbert (video above) said, “There’s a lot in there that I doubt, but the part I really don’t believe is that he can run.” Colbert also said, “Look, sir, we already know how you react to combat situations. You got five deferments from Vietnam. What are you gonna do, run in there and stab ’em with your bone spurs?”

Seth Meyers took A Closer Look (video above) said:

There’s really nothing worse than a fake tough guy. Trump lives in a fantasy world where he’s some sort of action movie star who’d rush into danger and save the day.

I’m sorry but you’re not exactly Liam Neeson, If you’d been in the movie Taken, they would’ve had to change the name.” The name he suggested was, My Daughter’s Gone, Let’s Move On. 

Meyers also said, ““I gotta say, I find it hard to believe Trump would voluntarily run inside a place of education. The only way you would run inside is if a reporter asked you a question outside.”

Trevor Noah (video above) said, “It would be ridiculous coming from anyone, but especially from Trump. He’s gonna run in? Yo, when Trump ran for president, that was the first time he ran in his entire life.” Along these lines Noah also  said, ““Really? Trump cares so much about helping people that he’d jump into the middle of a school shooting with nothing but his fun-size fists?”

Noah mocked the idea with this suggestion for how it might have played out:

To be fair if Donald Trump ran into a school during a shooting, I do believe he would stop the shooting. Imagine you’re a school shooter and Donald Trump appears in the hallway — how distracting would that be?

That’s right, it’s me, Donald Trump. I don’t have a gun, but what I do have is an amazing electoral college victory. Then, like eight minutes later, the police show up and Trump is still talking.

It is hard to believe that Donald Trump would face actual gunfire, as Hillary Clinton claims she faced sniper fire when she flew into Bosnia in 1996. Check out the video of Clinton facing sniper fire from Funny or Die:

Stephen Colbert Responds To Donald Trump On Guns In Schools

Quote of the Day: Stephen Colbert On The State Of The Union Address

Tomorrow night is President Trump’s first State of the Union address. He’s not scheduled to appear in front of Congress again until the impeachment hearings. –Stephen Colbert (on yesterday’s show)