David Letterman: Top Ten Reasons Chris Christie Is Not Running for President

David Letterman: Top Ten Reasons Chris Christie Is Not Running for President

10. As always, he’s following his gut
9. Wants to spend more time with pie
8. There isn’t a Quiznos within five miles of the White House
7. Afraid of going up against the Newt Gingrich juggernaut
6. Doesn’t own a tie without a mustard stain
5. He was advised against it by his closest confidante, Duncan Hines
4. Constitution requires every candidate to be able to see their feet
3. Can’t understand response because of chewing
2. Hank Williams, Jr. just compared him to Stalin
1. He was born in Kenya

Quote of the Day

“Not only did Christie say he’s not going to run, he’s also not going to jog or walk anymore.” –Jimmy Kimmel

Republicans Want Government To Control Your Lives, But They Back One Freedom We Hadn’t Thought Of–Tossing Dwarfs

Both liberals and conservatives often object that the other side is restricting their freedom. Liberals object when conservatives interfere with an individual’s rights to control their own life and body. For example, liberals object when conservatives restrict access to contraception, tell people who they may marry, prevent a woman from controlling her own body, use government to impose the agenda of the religious right, intervene in personal end-of-life decisions,  or restrict civil liberties. Conservatives tend to ignore the types of liberties addressed by the Bill of Rights, beyond supporting an individual right to bear arms, and generally concentrate more on what they call economic liberties.

Conservatives tend to oppose imaginary restrictions on economic liberty, such as by making ridiculous claims that a centrist such as Barack Obama is a socialist. They claim that liberals are engaging in robbery by supporting slightly higher marginal rates on the wealthy, ignoring the fact that the rates now supported by most liberals remain lower than the tax rates under Ronald Reagan. Of course conservatives have rewritten the history of the Reagan administration in their minds, just as they have rewritten American history and the Constitution.

Today an example came out of what conservatives see as a freedom worth fighting for–the right to toss dwarfs. Conservatives also love to wrap their off the wall ideas in the hot issues of the day, so this is also being promoted as a way to create more jobs:

Some news on the job-creation front in Florida.

A state legislator has found yet another example of government regulation getting in the way of job creation.

So Rep. Ritch Workman, R-Melbourne, filed a bill this week to bring back “dwarf tossing,” the barbaric and dangerous barroom spectacle that was imported from Australia and thrived briefly in Florida before it was outlawed in 1989.

“I’m on a quest to seek and destroy unnecessary burdens on the freedom and liberties of people,” Workman said. “This is an example of Big Brother government.

“All that it does is prevent some dwarfs from getting jobs they would be happy to get,” Workman said. “In this economy, or any economy, why would we want to prevent people from getting gainful employment?”

State lawmaker’s not-so-lofty effort

Yes, the viral government-kills-jobs theme is being repackaged into what might be called a Leave No Tossed Dwarf Behind bill.

“I would never force anybody to take this form of employment or pay to watch it,” Workman said. “I think it’s repulsive and stupid. But it’s none of the state’s business if somebody wants to do this.”

Workman’s efforts to create employment opportunities for little people willing to be objectified as flying objects was not done after consultation with anyone eligible for this line of work.

“The people who were thrown were alcoholics with low self-esteem,” said Robert Van Etten, 62, of Stuart. “Many of them were injured. One committed suicide.”

Van Etten, a 3-foot-5-inch engineering consultant and former president of Little People of America, has worked with his wife, Angela, for years to educate people about the physical and psychological dangers of dwarf tossing.

Dangers and painful memories

Bringing dwarf tossing back to Florida is a step backward, he said, a move that signals a permissive air of mockery on an entire class of people.

“It’s something that brings out the worst element in some people, and it’s focused on people who are the most vulnerable,” Van Etten said.