David Letterman: Top Ten Surprises in the Osama bin Laden Diary


David Letterman: Top Ten Surprises in the Osama bin Laden Diary

10. Always dotted the ‘I’ in ‘Jihad’ with a smiley face
9. Expressed anger at not being invited to the royal wedding
8. Disguised himself by wearing a fake beard over his real beard
7. Was the first one to suggest Hugh Grant as a possible replacement for Charlie Sheen
6. Admitted in college he experimented with a member of the opposite sect
5. Preferred exploding boxers to exploding briefs
4. As much as he hated the United States, he loved Red Lobster’s coconut shrimp bites
3. The guy just wouldn’t shut up about the new Beastie Boys album
2. Would occasionally fax jokes to Leno
1. Turns out he was kind of a coward

Craig Ferguson on Osama bin Laden’s Diary:

“The CIA is going through the stuff they found in Osama bin Laden’s compound, including a diary. I didn’t know he had a diary. That is so sweet. They haven’t read the diary yet because they can’t find the little key to open it up.” –Craig Ferguson

“Osama bin Laden kept a diary. Well that’s very sweet, isn’t it? Turns out his secret desire was to sneak into New York and catch a showing of ‘Mamma Mia.’ He briefly considered joining the cast of ‘Two and a Half Men.'” –Craig Ferguson

“Isn’t it odd how history’s greatest monsters have an artistic side? Osama bin Laden was a writer. Hitler was a painter. Justin Bieber is a singer.” –Craig Ferguson

Donald Trump Not Running

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NBC says they will renew Celebrity Apprentice with a new host if Donald Trump runs for president. Any hope they will run Apprentice with a new host even if Trump doesn’t run?

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