An Announcement

There will be no more blog entries today. I have suspended myself indefinitely for having made contributions to Democratic candidates in accordance with MSNBC’s ethics rules.

Update: It has been ruled that contributions to Democratic candidates in Western Michigan were actually an exercise in futility and not serious contributions aimed at winning political office. The Democratic candidate for Congress lost by more than a 2:1 margin. (This is sort of like not getting a pass interference call when a ball is not catchable). Therefore my suspension will be lifted.

Top Ten Highlights of the George W. Bush Library Groundbreaking

David Letterman’s “Top Ten Highlights of the George W. Bush Library Groundbreaking”

10. While digging, they found Obama’s birth certificate
9. Read warm congratulatory note from Osama and Julie bin Laden
8. Displayed thousands of books Bush pretends to read
7. George arrived wearing a flight suit and piloting the Conan blimp
6. Dubya only had three shoes thrown at him
5. Dug up thousands of Gore ballots from 2000
4. Bush gave Halliburton $300 million check just for the hell of it
3. George correctly pronounced the word “nuclear” (it doesn’t get any more groundbreaking than that)
2. After a few seconds of digging, Bush raised “Mission Accomplished” banner
1. Bush and Cheney celebrated the day with a long, passionate, open-mouth kiss

Quote of the Day

“Happy birthday to Rep. John Boehner from Ohio. If you want to get him a present, you can’t go wrong with bronzer. Or you can get him a giant bed so the banking, oil, and defense industries can get in it with him.” –David Letterman

Made of Fact Of The Day Which Could Be True

Barack Obama is attending the NATO summit in Lisbon, Portugal. Eighty-seven percent of Fox viewers believe that if he were to try to return home by traveling on a boat heading west from Lisbon he would fall off of the earth. (Most of the remaining viewers believe he would be devoured by sea monsters before reaching the edge.)