Humans In Danger of Annihilation From Global Warming and Zombies, But Life Possible Elsewhere

Pride-and-Prejudice-and-Z-001

There are two news stories regarding potential danger to the human race. The BBC reports on methane escaping from the Arctic sea bed, which possibly could accelerate the rate of global warming. This danger sounds trivial when compared to yet another BBC report on how zombies can destroy the human race. I’ve feared that zombies were a real danger ever since they invaded the world of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice.

The above report on the dangers of zombies did come out of Canada. So much for the claims that socialized medicine stifles important medical research. From the report:

In their scientific paper, the authors conclude that humanity’s only hope is to “hit them [the undead] hard and hit them often”.

They added: “It’s imperative that zombies are dealt with quickly or else… we are all in a great deal of trouble.”

According to the researchers, the key difference between the zombies and the spread of real infections is that “zombies can come back to life”.

Fortunately there is a chance to fight them:

Professor Ferguson went on to joke: “The paper considers something that many of us have worried about – particularly in our younger days – of what would be a feasible way of tackling an outbreak of a rapidly spreading zombie infection.

“My understanding of zombie biology is that if you manage to decapitate a zombie then it’s dead forever. So perhaps they are being a little over-pessimistic when they conclude that zombies might take over a city in three or four days.

It appears that between global warming and zombies we might be doomed. Fortunately there is also some good science news today. The amino acid glycine has been found in a comet according to a NASA astrobiologist. Finding such a building block of life on a comet might suggest that such building blocks of life can be spread to many planets. This potentially could lead to the development of life on another planet which is free of zombies and Jane Austen novels.

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5 Comments

  1. 1
    Thingumbob says:

    These days there are some pretty savvy global warming researchers. Sometimes I am awestruck. The latest just in is a dandy, indeed. It seems that Zeus is the original environmentalist. Who knew? What do you mean with such blunderbus you ask? I can’t make this stuff up, I retort. 

    “Agricultural methods of early civilizations may have altered global climate, study suggests

    Massive burning of forests for agriculture thousands of years ago may have increased atmospheric carbon dioxide enough to alter global climate and usher in a warming trend that continues today, according to a new study that appears online Aug. 17 in the journal Quaternary Science Reviews.”

    Why does this involve purely mythological figments like Prometheus and Zeus? Stay with me here. Prometheus was worshiped as one of the older Titanic gods that rivaled Zeus. His sin was giving mankind fire. You see his brother Epimetheus must have been a fraud or have doublecrossed Prometheus. (He was the one who had the gift of foresight.) He should have known that fire would eventually doom mankind through global warming. 

    Now this puts Christianity in a whole new light. It turns out that all this talk about the meek inheriting the earth is hokum. They are for the big multinational polluters in reality. Bring back Zeus, bring back GaiaIo Pan, io pan! Yo’ mama. Big mama.

  2. 2
    Betty Youngs says:

    This is God world ,he is the one that made it. He is still in control. I don’t  worry .I trust God. What even happen  is in his hand not  human. 
         Have a Blessed Day!!!!!

  3. 3
    D Dupuis says:

    (Now this puts Christianity in a whole new light. It turns out that all this talk about the meek inheriting the earth is hokum. They are for the big multinational polluters in reality. Bring back Zeus, bring back GaiaIo Pan, io pan! Yo’ mama. Big mama.)  Two largest scams going, Religion & Global Warming.   

  4. 4
    r.stewart says:

    wow what is wrong with this world? super bugs disease, people wake up its the government that is destroying us and we are siting back and letting it happen, god is ruler, but until he comes to save those worth saving… save yourself and your kids fight the pharmacutical world and our big brother the gov. they are KILLING us!!!

  5. 5
    david says:

    who cares about zombies even if they were real I would infect myself so I could be with my god jesus and so i could eat
    Thingumbob

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