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Barack Obama poked fun at himself and others at the White House Correspondent’s Association Dinner. The full video is above and here are some highlights:
On the first 100 days: “Good evening, everybody, I would like to welcome you to the 10-day anniversary of my First 100 Days. During the second 100 days, we will design, build and open a library dedicated to my first 100 days. My next 100 days will be so successful, I will complete them in 72 days. And on the 73rd day, I will rest.”
On not wanting to be there: “I must confess I really did not want to be here tonight. But I knew I had to come. That’s one more problem that I inherited from George W. Bush.”
On the news media: “Most of you covered me. All of you voted for me. Apologies to the Fox table.”
On his daughters: “Sasha and Malia aren’t here tonight because they’re grounded. You can’t just take Air Force One on a joy ride to Manhattan. I don’t care whose kids you are.”
On Michael Steele: “Michael Steele is in the house tonight. Or as he would say, ‘In the heezy.’ Wassup? Michael, for the last time, the Republican Party does not qualify for a bailout. Rush Limbaugh does not count as a troubled asset, I’m sorry.”
On Rahm Emanuel: “This is a tough holiday for Rahm. He’s not used to saying the word ‘day’ after ‘mother.'”
On Hillary Clinton: “These days, we could not be closer. In fact, the minute she got back from Mexico, she pulled me into a hug and said I should go down there myself.”
On Dick Cheney: “Dick Cheney was supposed to be here, but he is very busy working on his memoirs, tentatively titled, ‘How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People.'”On John Boehner’s fake tan: “We have a lot in common: He is a person of color. Although not a color that appears in the natural world.”
On his Teleprompter: “In the next hundred days, I will learn to go off prompter — and Joe Biden will learn to stay on it.”
On his new loyal friend: “He’s warm, he’s cuddly, loyal, enthusiastic; you just have to keep him in on a tight leash — every once in a while he goes charging off and gets himself into trouble. Enough about Joe Biden.”
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Wanda Sykes spoke next (video above). Like Obama, she targeted Rush Limbaugh:
“He just wants the country to fail,” Sykes said of Limbaugh. “To me that’s treason. He’s not saying anything different than what Osama Bin Laden is saying. You might want to look into this, sir, because I think Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker but he was just so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight. … Rush Limbaugh, I hope the country fails, I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? He needs a good waterboarding, that’s what he needs.”
She also made fun of Sarah Palin:
“Gov Palin is not here tonight. She pulled out at the last minute. Somebody should tell her that’s not really how you practice abstinence.”
