Despite all the horror stories, it turns out that the internet isn’t such a dangerous place for kids after all:
The Internet may not be such a dangerous place for children after all.
A task force created by 49 state attorneys general to look into the problem of sexual solicitation of children online has concluded that there really is not a significant problem.
The findings ran counter to popular perceptions of online dangers as reinforced by depictions in the news media like NBC’s “To Catch a Predator” series. One attorney general was quick to criticize the group’s report.
The panel, the Internet Safety Technical Task Force, was charged with examining the extent of the threats children face on social networks like MySpace and Facebook, amid widespread fears that adults were using these popular Web sites to deceive and prey on children.
But the report concluded that the problem of bullying among children, both online and offline, poses a far more serious challenge than the sexual solicitation of minors by adults.
“This shows that social networks are not these horribly bad neighborhoods on the Internet,” said John Cardillo, chief executive of Sentinel Tech Holding, which maintains a sex offender database and was part of the task force. “Social networks are very much like real-world communities that are comprised mostly of good people who are there for the right reasons.”
Of course this doesn’t mean that common sense precautions shouldn’t still be employed.
I’m sorry the headlines on this article allow people to draw the wrong conclusions, like “Threats exaggerated.” It’s a mistake to base decisions on comparisons stating that cyberbullying isn’t much worse than other bullying. Or that it’s important to state that there’s no easy solution. What a waste of time and money.
Cyberbullies and predators on social networking sites will be with us forever. Of course we’ll find some software to help, but you can never guarantee safety in the real world. Wanting absolute safety is the wrong approach.
And of course there’s no easy solution. No one is really dumb enough to think there’s an easy solution. No amount of software will make the internet any safer than giving your money to Bernard Madoff or crossing the street.
Don’t pay attention to the pseudo-science of the report. We must pay attention to our individual kids and teach them that “friends” on social sites aren’t really friends, they’re merely virtual acquaintances. Dealing with virtual people is much more difficult than dealing with people face-to-face. And we all know how difficult that can be.
There are no safe environments. That was the message I always got from reading the great hero stories when I was growing up. And each tale challenged me to prepare myself for similar dangers.
Schools and the real world have never been safe. I remember a biography of Harpo Marx (remember the Marx Brothers). He went to school for one day. The kids threw him out the window (first floor). He came back in. They threw him out again. After the third time he didn’t go back in. And never did again.
Schools and social networks are testing grounds for the real world. And the real world is not and should not be safe. Facing risks and danger helps us develop good sense, good character and the qualities necessary to survive. Imagine growing up on a farm, in an wilderness village or in the middle ages. Not safe. I grew up in New York City. Not safe. Millennia ago we had to learn what a saber-toothed tiger’s foot prints looked like and how long ago they were left. The world still requires survival skills, even if different ones.
Parents have the responsibility to monitor and guide children and teenagers. Of course kids will object. How many of us thought our parents were right when they tried to limit what we wanted to do? We must be wise enough as parents to know best and strong enough to stand up to the kids’ anger.
Bullies are not all the same, but their patterns of behavior, their tactics, are the same. That’s why we can find ways to stop most of them. Sometimes, fighting is the key to success. If we don’t stop bullies, they’ll think we’re easy prey. Like sharks, they’ll just go after us more.
When children learn how to stop bullies in their tracks, they’ll develop strength of character, determination, resilience and skill. They’ll need these qualities to succeed against the real world bullies they’ll face as adults.
Disclosure: In addition to having six children, I’m a practical, pragmatic coach and consultant. Check out my website and blog (http://www.BulliesBeGone.com). I’ve written the books, “How to Stop Bullies in their Tracks” and “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids,” and recorded a 10-CD set of these books.
Best wishes,
Ben
I have always thought that cyberbullying is a much more serious problem than online sexual solicitation. The latter generally occurs when kids actively seek out risky online environments.
Phishing and malware are major threats too, especially to elderly and less educated adults, many of whom are now online. The focus on “Internet predators” has obscured that problem, which leads to so many financial losses for so many people.