You Might Be A Liberal If…

Kiera Butler of Mother Jones looks at characteristics of liberals versus conservatives:

You may be a liberal if…you were the Tracy Flick of your nursery school. Confident, dominating preschoolers grow into liberals, while fearful and easily victimized tots turn conservative.

You may be a conservative if…you alphabetize your underwear drawer. Conservatives are more likely to have neat and tidy rooms, and liberals messy ones.

You may be a liberal if…you’re up all night. 28% of liberals have insomnia, compared with 16% of conservatives.

You may be a conservative if…you’re a woman who craves chocolate chip cookies. Liberal ladies prefer theirs fruit filled.

You may be a liberal if…you’re in the mood for Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookie-Dough Cheesecake. Liberals’ chain eateries of choice are the Cheesecake Factory, Panera Bread, and Starbucks, while conservatives dine at Hardee’s and Fuddruckers.

You may be a conservative if…you’re happy with tap water. Domino’s Pizza claims Republican customers are less likely to order beverages.

You may be a liberal if…you’re too lazy to walk to the pizza place. The Domino’s survey found that Democrats rely on delivery more than Republicans.

You may be a conservative if…you have a son. Parents of boys are more likely to be conservative than parents of girls.

You may be a liberal if…you possess Obama-like calm. When shown a picture of a spider on a human face, most conservatives jump in fright; liberals react roughly the same as when they’re shown a picture of a bunny.

You may be a conservative if…your dreams are chaste. Nearly half of liberals report having erotic dreams; only 38% of conservatives admit to it. (This was before Sarah Palin.)

For the most part the liberal characteristics fit, but I do love chocolate chip cookies. I’ve also never had an erotic dream about Sarah Palin, but seeing a picture of her in someone’s face might make me react roughly the same way as when shown a picture of a spider.

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  1. 1
    Eric D. Rittberg says:

    Yup, typical conservative/liberal bias.  No mention or inclusion of libertarians. 

  2. 2
    Ron Chusid says:


    Why would you care, considering that you fall firmly on the conservative side?

  3. 3
    Eric D. Rittberg says:

    Yup, I’m a “conservative” alright.  Pro-Choice, Pro-Marijuana legalization, Pro-Darwinist, Pro-Gambling, Pro-Prostitution, Pro-Swingers.  Golly gee, I sure am a funny sort of “Conservative.” 

  4. 4
    Eric D. Rittberg says:

    Hey Chusid, am looking at my Membership Card in my wallet right now.

    Funny, it says Libertarian Party.  Doesn’t say “Conservative Party.” 

    And Golly Gee, know how I spent my spring and summer all last year?  Working for the Libertarian Party as their Number One petitioner in 7 States: Maine, New Hampshire, CT, Rhode Island, Ohio, Illinois and Kentucky. 

    Sorry, but I didn’t quite make it to New York to petition for the Conservative Party.  And though I was offered a lot of money, I didn’t collect a single signature for the Religious Right Constitution Party. 

  5. 5
    Ron Chusid says:


    Holding a Libertarian Party membership card doesn’t make you a libertarian. Nor does holding a handful of libertarian views, primarily related to sex, make you a libertarian when your fundamental views are opposed to freedom.

    You may hold a LP membership card, but the libertarian movement sure doesn’t consider you one of them. Just do a Google search for “faux libertarian Eric Dondero” or “faux libertarian Eric Rittberg.” Here’s one example:

    Eric Dondero, the collectivistic and vile Republican sycophant who has been undermining the liberty movement for years with his idiotic moronic claims (such as one stating he’s the “real libertarian” and Yours Truly is not) and who has been cloaking himself as an advocate of liberty under the rubric of libertarianism, interviewed Wayne Allyn Root for his uninspiring statist-pretending-to-be-a-libertarian blog Libertarian Republican.

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