Fred Thompson Takes Lead In The Sex Appeal Primary

If security was the big issue in 2004, it now looks like a new issue might determine the 2008 race, at least for the Republican nomination–sex appeal. Fred Thompson is taking the lead on that issue. When asked about his personal life by Republican Congressmen, Thompson recently answered, “I was single for a long time and yep I chased a lot of women. And a lot of women chased me. And those who chased me tended to catch me.”

Thompson quickly turns this potential negative into a point in his favor by receiving the endorsements from several of his former conquests. We learn, “Fred is a perfect example of chivalry. He’s the kind of man little girls dream about marrying, who opens doors for you, lights your cigarettes, helps you on with your coat, buys wonderful gifts. It’s every woman’s fantasy.” And those are exactly the criteria we are most concerned with in choosing a President. I bet Thompson wouldn’t grope German Chancellor Angela Merkel as George Bush did. He’d be a true gentleman.

As for national security, we are told, “I think he has a great chance of capturing the women’s vote. He’s majestic. He’s a soft, safe place to be and that could be Fred’s ticket. Women love a soft place to lay and a strong pair of hands to hold us.”

Margaret Carlson, a columnist for Bloomberg News, states “He’s handsome, he’s charming, he sounds like a president. He’s smart, he’s articulate, he knows his line, he can hit his mark.” I think they should definately sign him to be play the President on the next season of 24, especially if he sounds like a president.

As silly, and perhaps nauseating, as this all is, receiving this sort of praise from former girl friends is an improvement over all the “man crush” articles we’ve seen on Mitt Romney. Will the Republican nomination come down to whether Thompson or Romney can attract more women voters, and who will ultimately win the women vote if Hillary Clinton is the Democratic nominee? Those of us who hope for elections which are determined by issues might be disappointed yet again this year.

Be Sociable, Share!

Leave a comment